She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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