Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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