hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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