but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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