She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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