My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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