i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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