I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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