Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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