sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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