why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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