I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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