If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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