I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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