so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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