im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize