but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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