Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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