yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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