worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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