Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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