I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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