She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize