My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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