I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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