So drunk its hurt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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