im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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