You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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