I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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