dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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