a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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