I wish I could teleport
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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