I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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