I didn't shave. On purpose
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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