stop calling my apartment porn island.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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