Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize