wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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