I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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