I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize