I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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