So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize