I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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