apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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