I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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