is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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