She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize