Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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