last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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