all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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