2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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