my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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