If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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