I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize